Women Don't Woo--Chapter 1 (Part 1)

Women Don't Woo--Chapter 1 (Part 1)

Chapter 1: He Owns You

It is 1:18 in the morning, and I’m sleepless in bed, still agonizing, “Why didn’t he come over?”

I called his cell phone after church this morning. He didn’t answer (“Thank you, God!”) so I put on my cheerful voice and said, “Hey, just called to let you know I got the sermon on CD for you from church! I can’t wait for you to hear the sermon; it was so great! I hope work is going well, and maybe you can give me a call when you have some time?!” Pathetic. What I REALLY wanted to say was, “Hey, thanks for hanging up on me the other night and then leaving suddenly last night. What the heck is your problem?” However, his previous behavior has told me that being direct and angry does no good. All I can do is be sweet and try to lure him over so I can somehow weave my true feelings into the middle of a base discussion. So, on with the story…

 He called me back an hour later. AHA! My plan worked thus far. He sounds happy. He asks me about church, and asks where I am. “At the mall,” I say, and he asks, “With who?” Passing by the nagging instinct to say, “Raoul, the hot guy I met last night after you hung up on me,” I say, “I’m by myself,” which is the truth, after all. So, we talk awhile, but he says nothing about coming over to get the CD (which, by the way, I bought just so I could con him into stopping by that night). Not wanting to sound needy, I decide not to suggest it and hope he surprises me after he gets off of work. So, can you guess where that leaves me tonight? Yep, you got it: hanging around the house, trying to make myself busy, while I day dream about the possible visit.

Hours go by and the phone remains silent. 9, 10, 11pm rolls around and I finally come to terms with the fact that my day dream will remain a fantasy. I try to fall asleep, but all I can do is think, “Did I say something wrong on the phone? Maybe I shouldn’t have made that flirty comment…maybe I should’ve acted more standoff-ish, …maybe I should’ve called him and brought the CD over to his house.”

I wonder how many of you are shaking your heads in pity and how many of you feel your stomach sinking in memories of similar instances. The truth is, I shouldn’t have been waiting around at all. Looking back on it, it seems quite pathetic, me spending hours waiting in my apartment, wasting time because I was too full of nervousness and anticipation to do anything of value, hoping he’d call me or come over. Who does that? The sad answer is that the women who do that are the ones who feel not-so-valuable. I gave more value to a chance to see or talk to him above my time, which is precious.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to do something else with my time…call a girlfriend, read a book, help someone, or get out my Bible.I know the latter suggestion sounds like something you’d read in a cheesy “What to Do When You’re Down” book, but really, what could have been better? I have now discovered that, deep down, this longing for a man to make me feel loved and accepted is truly a need to realize that I already am loved and accepted by the creator of the universe, and the creator of me. God loves me even though I don’t deserve it, failing every day. Now THAT should be the foundation of a relationship with someone who I can love and depend on every day. Instead of looking for acceptance from a man, it’s essential to grow a relationship with my fierce and passionate savior.

            Maybe it’s strange to hear of God described as such. We usually hear God being described as things such as a gentleman. This is hard for me to swallow. I mean, I understand the point that God doesn’t force us to do anything that we don’t want to, but the connotation of God being a gentleman makes him seem like a wimp, which he definitely is not.  In Psalm 18, David cries to God for help, and God does much more than just say, “At your service, me lad!”  Instead, God “shot his arrows and scattered [the enemies] great bolts of lightning and routed them. The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils.” I don’t know about you, but when I picture a gentleman, I see a guy in a sharp looking suit pulling out my chair, not nostril breath upsetting the foundations of the earth.

            So, how about seeing God as a lover who will “never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5)? I still struggle at times to see God in this way, but reading His Word, especially the Psalms, repeatedly demonstrate his faithfulness, his passion, his strength, and even his jealousy to have me to himself. So, if he is to be my number one love, how furious must he be when he sees me spending an evening wallowing in my own misery because I didn’t get a phone call! Instead of rejoicing in this opportunity to live, I sit here alone thinking of what I can do to keep myself busy enough to not notice the phone is silent. 

            In all honesty, this frightens me. How is it that I got to this point?