Made Free By Confinement
I grew up very insecure, bitter, lonely, and depressed…partly due I believe to the dysfunction of my family upbringing. I was raised in the small town of Thorp in west-central Wisconsin during the 1980’s, and although far from a terrible childhood (as compared to many others), I was primarily raised from sixmonths old by my grandparents, and this bred some of the insecurity and confusion as I reached middle school.In high school I became rebellious (as so typical nowadays), and began to party hard with so-called friends and do small thefts. Living off of these highs seemed to ease some of my inadequacies (or so I thought). It’s a much more complex story…but it finally all escalated with me committing an armed robbery of a hometown convenience store at age 21. A part of me back then believed I could pull off any stunt I put my mind to and get away with it, but another part deep within myself said that it would likely all end sooner or later…and it did…when the law finally caught up with me about a half a year later in Montana. I was then extradited back to Wisconsin for burglary, and then released on bail while the D.A. was developing more charges concerning the robbery and such. While out on bail and examining where my life had gone, I was very much suicidal and feeling in despair. A few times, I had loaded my handgun and was going to end my life, but always ended up pondering on my family and the devastation it would bring them (especially to my Dad). One time, I even intoxicated myself thinking somehow this would make me braver to pull the trigger, but I could never gather the courage to do so. As I now know, this was not courage, but cowardness in facing the truth, and a strong attempt by the enemy Satan to destroy me (John 10:10). At this point, I was very unstable in all my ways and quite possibly could have harmed or even killed someone else if pressed the wrong way. But thanks be to God; one day, while still out on bail, I was surprised by the police at work and brought in on new charges. This time, however, my family decided I was not getting out on bail.
In the county jail (while sitting alone at night in my cell), I began to see the pride and selfishness of all I had done in my life. There was a minister who came in weekly, and one evening I decided in my guilt and despair to attend one of his Bible studies. This man began speaking much differently than the so-called spiritual leaders of the church I grew up in. He spoke about having a personal relationship with Christ, versus the empty outward religious practices and traditions I was raised to believe in. He talked about being born-again (as Jesus said was essential in John 3:3) by believing that Jesus shed His blood for our sins on the cross, and that a person could know for sure, according to the Scriptures, whether they are going to heaven or hell when they die (1 John 5:13). At the time, I really didn’t understand or even pay that much attention, but still felt drawn to go to his weekly studies. One night, this guy was talking about Bible prophecy, and brought to light the astronomical odds of all this prophecy (written hundreds of years earlier) being fulfilled to the very letter. This caught my attention and prompted me to investigate the Bible further. When I earnestly and diligently sought for the truth from the Scriptures, it didn’t take long for the Lord to show me that His Word was indeed true, and could be trusted concerning all matters of life (2 Timothy 3:16). From a young age, I always had a feeling that there was something unique and authentic about the Bible (as opposed to all other writings in the world). Being raised in the Roman Catholic Church there was very little to no Bible reading, and the people there seemed to be living the same troubled lifestyles with no answers like myself. A few weeks later, the minister asked the Bible study group if there was anyone who believed and was truly serious about serving the Lord, to repent and trust Christ as Lord and Savior of their life. That night, with godly sorrow over my sin, I believed and asked Christ into my heart. Shortly after, as I kept seeking and reading the Bible, I began to understand the full dynamics of believing the Gospel, repenting of sin, and that I had been born again by the Holy Spirit (John 3: 5-8). I must admit that (in my ignorance) it took some time to free me from the bondage of my upbringing, but eventually as I continued to study I was able to trade in my false religion and traditions for an all sufficient Savior apart from works (Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 4:5).
It has now been over eight years since I accepted my Lord and Savior, and He continues to work in my life and richly bless me daily.Since my release from prison in 2007 the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful supporting wife of over 2 years and a son. Although my greatest trials have come after my conversion, I have still found that He is faithful and that true freedom and hope are in Him (John 8:32, 36).I was actually facing a possible 180 years with all my crimes accumulated, but Jesus granted me the mercy and grace of only five years in prison and seven years of probation.
As Jesus assured us, we all as born-again biblical Christians have trials and fall short of the glory of God daily (John 16:33, Romans 3:23-24). But through time and study of God’s Word, the Lord continues to break down strongholds in our lives (Acts 3:26, Philippians 4:13, 1 John 4:4). As children of God, it is a matter of us continually battling the self-willed flesh, and trusting and submitting to His will daily (Matthew 26:41, Luke 9:23, 1 Timothy 6:11). As we do this, He will replace the negative feelings, emotions, and sinful ambitions with the fruit of His love, peace, joy, hope, and will (Galatians 5:22-25). I have found that then (and only then) am I able to manifest these fruits of His Spirit to obey His Word and fulfill His purpose and plan for my life.
Looking back, I see many heartaches and failures that sometimes rear up (under certain circumstances) with guilt and shame, but as I look at the sovereignty of God, the price that was paid for my sin, and my identity in Christ, I now know that my past was not in vain and has much potential for the future in bringing glory to His name (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Shannon R. Haas
2 Peter 3:18
