Seeking Proverbs 31

Friday, April 3, 2015

Revival or Apostasy?

by Dave Hunt - Article Link
Apr 1 2015

Knowing that we are in the last of the last days, with an imminent Rapture a very real hope, our thoughts often (and indeed should) turn to the signs that Christ said would herald the nearness of His return. The signs that are most widely cited include “wars and rumours of wars...[when] nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom...and...famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes...these are the beginning of sorrows” (Mt 24:6-8).

Unquestionably, these specific “sorrows” have been both prominent and accelerating since Israel again became a nation in 1948. Since that time, the intensity and frequency of these signs have increased like the birth pangs of a woman approaching her time of delivery, exactly as Christ foretold. However, the first sign that Christ gave has been largely overlooked and His solemn warning neglected:

And Jesus answered and said...Take heed that no man deceive you.

For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many....

And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many....

For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. (Mt 24:4,5,11,24) [Emphasis added.]

Concern for this prophesied deception has marked this ministry. Let us take a closer look at the religious deception that Christ foretold. He issued a warning: “Take heed [beware] that no man deceive you.” Its seriousness is emphasized by being thrice stated. Its nature is specified:false Christs, false prophets, and false signs and wonders. His repetition four times of the word “many” indicates a worldwide deception of multitudes.

Paul issued a similar warning: “Let no man deceive you by any means....” He explains that the spiritual deception to which Christ referred will infect the professing church. That is evident from his words “falling away,” or apostasy:

For that day [of the Lord] shall not come except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin [Antichrist] be revealed, the son of perdition.” (2 Thes 2:3)

Although a true Christian cannot fall away, a false Christian can. Fall away from what? From the faith in Christ that he or she has outwardly professed without inward reality. Those few apostates who announce themselves as atheists or convert to Buddhism or Hinduism are not the concern of Christ and Paul in this verse. They are warning of a turning from the truth within the professing church. Other scriptures confirm this, as we shall see.

Paul warns us not to be deceived into thinking that the apostasy won’t come. It must. Such a warning can mean only that in the last days many will reject the biblical teaching that apostasy is inevitable. The false prophets to whom Christ refers will use their signs and wonders to support their false teaching that revival, not apostasy, is underway. Paul therefore warns us not to be deceived with talk about revival: the apostasy must come, or Christ will not return!

False signs and wonders will be an integral part of the apostasy. The departure from the truth will be spearheaded by apparent miracle workers, and the delusion will be made possible by a prevailing emphasis upon experience over doctrine: “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine” (2 Tm 4:3). Christ declares,

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. (Mt 7:22-23)

These apostates of whom Christ speaks do not lose their salvation; they were never saved (“I never knew you”). Yet they are high-profile Christian leaders apparently performing signs and wonders in the name of Christ. Tragically, they seem to think that their ability to prophesy and to perform wonders proves that they belong to Him. The signs and wonders are so impressive that doctrine no longer matters—exactly what we see today!

Surely these of whom Christ speaks in Matthew 7 must be the same “false Christs and false prophets” to whom He refers in Matthew 24. Moreover, the signs and wonders they are able to perform are apparently so impressive that without discernment by the Holy Spirit even the very elect would be deceived by them. Obviously, something more than mere trickery is involved. These miracle workers are backed by the power of Satan, whom they unwittingly serve in the name of the Lord.

The Bible clearly predicts a last-days signs and wonders movement—but it will be of Satan, and thus a delusion that will deceive many. After a solemn warning that in the last days “perilous times [not revival!] shall come,” Paul makes this remarkable statement:

Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these [apostates] also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. (2 Tm 3:8)

Jannes and Jambres were the magicians in Pharaoh’s court who, through the power of Satan, duplicated (up to a point) the miracles that God did through Moses and Aaron. Paul thus declares that the last-days opposition to the truth will not come so much from outside the church but from those within who are reprobate concerning the faith: depraved men who corrupt the truth. And they do so by performing apparent miracles in Christ’s name some of which (when more than mere trickery) are actually of Satan. In that way, they deceive and lead many astray—not out of the church but into false doctrine and thus a false hope within the church. Satan has no more effective tactic to damn souls!

Such [deception] involving the whole gamut of today’s revival scene must be seriously faced! Videos of the services show people crawling on the floor, howling like wolves, barking like dogs, roaring like lions, going through bodily contortions impossible without the aid of some spiritual power, unable to speak or even remember their names when they try to give a testimony—and worse. Many of those being baptized seem to lose consciousness or shake so violently that they must be carried out of the baptismal tank or they would drown. Others flail about so wildly as to require several men to handle them. That such things could now be widely accepted as evidence of the Holy Spirit can only testify to the depths of the delusion!

Jude exhorts us to “earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered to the saints” (Jude 3). Contend against whom? Surely not primarily against godless enemies outside the church. The warning concerns those within: “For there are certain men crept in unawares” (v. 4). Crept in can only mean inside the church.

Paul confirms Jude in addressing the Ephesian elders: “For I know this, that after my departing shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock. Also of your own selves shall men arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away disciples after them” (Acts 20:29-30). The spiritual deception of which Christ warned would be rampant within the church.

In further confirmation, Christ warned His disciples that “the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service” (Jn 16:2)—a most remarkable prophecy. He can’t be referring to the slaughter of Christians by the Caesars or by Mao or Stalin or Hitler, for they did not believe they were thereby serving God. Yes, when the Jews of Jesus’ day killed the early Christians, they thought they were serving God; so did the Roman Catholics when they slaughtered the true Christians before and after the Reformation; and so it was when Muslims killed Christians. But none of this was the complete fulfillment of Christ’s prophecy.

“Whosoever” is the key. Neither the Pharisees, the popes, nor the Muslims were alone in killing Christians. Others pursued them to the death at the same time. But Christ is saying that a time is coming when whosoever (in other words, everyone) who kills Christians will think he is serving God thereby. That can only mean that a world religion to which everyone must belong is coming, a religion that will seek to exterminate true Christians in the name of God. John saw the same scene in the future:

And it was given unto him [Antichrist] to make war with the saints, and to overcome them....

And I beheld another beast...he exerciseth all the power of the first beast...and causeth the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first beast....

And he had power to...cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed. (Rv 13:7-15)

To summarize, the scriptural warnings foretell the very delusion we find in our day: 1) a false signs and wonders movement led by many false prophets; 2) many being deceived through these seeming miracles; 3) the rejection of the biblical teaching concerning apostasy, and the insistence that we are in the midst of, or at least building up to, the “greatest revival in the history of the church.” The promise of revival will be part of the last-days deception, Paul warns, so beware! Instead, in the days preceding the Rapture there will be a great apostasy, a falling away from the faith. Don’t be part of it!

That we must earnestly contend for the faith against those who have crept into the church implies that the battle is not so much one of faithagainst unbelief, but rather of true faith against false faith. And that, too, is precisely what we see today. Articles in leading medical journals cite studies showing that those who have any “religious faith” are more likely to recover from illness. Christianity Today ran a major article naïvely promoting these studies as though they were supportive of the truth.¹ Thus God has been reduced to a placebo that can come in any shape, size, or color.

Multitudes of Christians imagine that faith is believing that what they are praying for will happen and that if they truly believe, they will have whatever they ask. Obviously, if things happen because one believes they will, then one doesnʼt need God. This is mind power, not the faith in God that Christ taught (Mk 11:22)….

The topic on everyone’s lips and mind today is revival. Christian TV and radio and best-selling books persuasively argue that we are in the midst of the greatest revival of Christianity in the history of the world....It comes as a shock to many to learn that the word “revival” does not appear even once in the entire King James Bible. The hope of revival, which excites so many today, is not even a biblical concept. Ask yourself a few questions: Is Christ not indwelling us? Is He not in our midst each time we meet? Are we not to be filled with the Holy Spirit at all times? Is not the Word of God sufficient? Why, then, run after signs and wonders as though unusual manifestations prove that God is at work while neglecting what God has already given us? In the meantime, undertake a study to see what the Bible says. Check every source (including TBC) against Scripture! Be a Berean. TBC

Endnotes

Christianity Today (Jan. 6, 1997), 20-30.

An Afterword from T. A. McMahon

In the eighteen years since Dave wrote the above article, the apostasy has intensified in ways that are mind numbing. I write this from the perspective of one who worked with Dave for more than three decades and learned from him how to discern trends that are taking hold in the church, drawing both professing and even true Christians away from the Word of God. I remember that just three years following our book The Seduction of Christianity: Spiritual Discernment in the Last Days (1985) we were astonished by how much worse things had become, spiritually, during that short time. But that was then.

Today seems like light years (or “dark years”) away. At that time, the New Age was dawning. Today we have “Christian” yoga practiced in church sanctuaries. Back then, evangelical leaders were dialoguing with Roman Catholic leaders; today Lent, Ash Wednesday, and the sacred Catholic ritual of the Stations of the Cross have become popular among “Protestants.” In those days, Christian youth were mostly being entertained in their fellowships; now they are being led into emergent contemplative and social gospel ideas. Then, the cults were making headway; today cultic teachings abound throughout Christendom. Then, “Christian” psychology was infecting the church; now, that pseudo-science has contaminated “biblical” counseling. Bible studies (where the Bible was actually studied) and prayer meetings were then rare; currently, books by popular Christian authors have displaced Scripture completely, and prayer has turned into “Lord, give me…” sessions. Back then, faith was being turned into a “force”; today, rare is the Christian who can tell you what biblical faith even is. False prophets used to be found primarily on “Christian” TV; now they proliferate on bestseller lists and head up prosperous “non-profit” organizations. We used to see TV preachers encouraging greed; currently, they sell survival food that they promote through fear-mongering techniques.

We are in those days characterized by Scripture as ones in which the church “will not endure sound doctrine” (2 Tm 4:3). Discernment has all but disappeared. The only antidote lies in the Word—diligence in studying it, reading it, and obeying it by the Spirit.

The most common request we receive here at TBC is: “Please help me to find a biblically sound church in my area.” Sadly, we can’t help them. Not because there are no such churches but because we don’t know where any church will stand doctrinally even tomorrow. It grieves us to see what we once believed to be solid churches become “purpose driven” or Calvinist almost overnight. We counsel believers to be Bereans when looking for a place to fellowship. Seek out leaders, however imperfect, who truly want to feed God’s sheep according to His Word.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Women Don't Woo: Chapter 6

What a Wonderful Woman you Are

What do you think when you look in the mirror? Truth be told, tonight I looked in the mirror (with my most flattering outfit on) and felt sick. There I was in a form fitting, yet not-too-tight black dress shirt…I thought the black was nice because it is supposed to be slimming. The shirt is short-sleeved, but not too short that it shows too much of my flabby arms. The jean skirt I had on is very flattering for my figure, showing the hips, but not enlarging them, and slinking in at the knees, but then flaring out a bit at the end. Complimented with some silver jewelry and some chunky black shoes, I could’ve hit the town. However, I stood there, staring at my reflection, and moving ever so slowly to look at my profile. It was huge to me…I seriously started to see the mirror fill in the longer I stared. I think it actually was the affect of the tears in my eyes bulging out my body. Either way, I felt horrible. It makes me sick how satan interrupted my life of content in God to trade in joy for self-centered self-hatred. I wish I could go back and tell myself how beautiful I am, but I can’t. I can, however, move forward, and so can you.

The Bible says in 1 Samuel 16:7, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” If I ask you to pause reading and tell yourself five things about your heart (your true self) that you like, would you be able to come up with any? If I told you to pause reading to tell yourself 5 things about your body that you hate, how much quicker could you answer the question?

Again, God is not interested in the same thing as man—in the outward appearance, but rather his concern is with our hearts. Society is very concerned with appearance. Everywhere we look there are ads, articles, commercials and programs concerned with helping us to look better, have more muscle tone, no wrinkles, no fat and no gray hairs. It is easy to get wrapped up in it, to spend enormous amounts of money and time to be attractive to the opposite sex. Exercise regimes, weight loss programs, Botox, liposuction, surgeries—we’ll do it all if it means we look hot.

How cunning of satan to warp our minds into believing our worth lies in our skin (albeit smooth, young, and wrinkle free!). What a deception he has woven into the very fabric of our being.

You can be the most attractive person in the world, but where does that leave you at the end of the day, or more frightening, at the end of your life?

God is more concerned with your heart, so what have you done to make that more attractive? As for me, it was neglected and even darkened as I sank deeper and deeper into the never ending struggle to better my beauty. My heart has been damaged by all the lies I have spoken over myself, calling myself ugly and fat and eventually tying what I saw on the outside do what must be on the inside. Somehow, not being the gorgeous woman I have wanted to be on the outside has led me to believe I am overall…worthless.

This simply is not the truth, as is clearly outlined in Psalm 139. I know some people have never had the pleasure to read Psalm 139, but if you’re like me, you’ve read it and thought, “Yeah right. Big deal.” How horrid. Psalm 139 speaks of God’s perfect creation of US! I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” I am wonderfully made. I wish I could keep that meditation in my head more often than I do. I so easily can slip into negativity by just watching a gum commercial where the tiny, sleek body steps out of the refrigerator and the men come running. I suddenly find myself looking down and hating not just my body, but myself.

Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of darkness. When satan is whispering in your ear, “You look disgusting! No wonder you don’t get attention from men!” God is saying something entirely different. I would venture to say he is saying something like, “Look at ME and not at YOU!”

I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I deserve a man who is going to agree with me wholeheartedly. Say it aloud, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Go so far as to memorize Psalm 139 so that, in those times when the deceiver is making it okay for you to sob into your potato chips, you can put them down, stand proud and scream, “NO! I AM a wonderful creature with a purpose and nothing is going to stop me from what God has for me!”

Is it so scary for me to say it aloud? “I am beautiful.” Sometimes, right before I leave for work, my reflection stops me. In this brief moment, I see someone I love. She is so lovely, the way her face is soft, yet her eyes are striking. The way the large waves of her hair fall loosely over her shoulders. Every curve of her body seems perfect. I stare into my own eyes and am stunned. How can this be me? Somewhere imbedded in my flesh and fiber is a refusal to let his feeling consume me. Every magazine cover and cruel thing whispered clings to me saying it is not possible. I am not skinny enough, my face isn’t clear enough, I am too short, and so on. Usually, by this time in the thought process, I begin to cry and have to look away.

The thought, though, is still there—can I just be brave enough to think I am beautiful? And isn’t this, after all, really a decision about worth? Am I worthy enough to be called lovely? Why am I allowing the opinions of others to determine my beauty, my value? I want to wade through years of lies and self banter about why I will never measure up and truly believe and live as if I am lovely—that this face, this body, displayed right in front of me is attractive, is worth looking at because, after all, it houses a soul that is mine, alone, and…well, I love it.

Friday, July 13, 2012

My Life Before God...

The Crosswalk

Perhaps it was the weekly clanging of the 40-ounce bottles in my recycling bin. Perhaps it was the six-inch hole splintering my bedroom door. It might have been the forever ashtray odor, or the f__ yous reverberating in my ears, the bruises on my arms, the puke rimmed-toilet, or the constant worry that I would someday find his body a corpse. Whatever it was, it caught me in the middle of the crosswalk one day, and begged the SUV to come and bring my death.

But something made me keep walking.

Looking back, I see that I was locked into a bad situation (which, by the way, merits no description.) A season of my life I could refer to as my death. I know I am not alone. So many souls get locked into their death, never realizing that they are trapped. They are so comfortable that they will never change, never meet any potential, but instead will die moment by moment as their could-bes change to nevers. I was trapped because I couldn’t believe I deserved anything better than a man who used me, abused me, and enabled me to become my own enemy.

***

I remember the first time that he asked me to drink. I was adamantly against it, but that sweet smile convinced me that it was okay, and even if it wasn’t, at least we were wrong together and would suffer the consequences hand in hand. I woke up the next day with a purple spot the size of a golf ball as a trophy on my neck, and parent-teacher conferences as the pageant. Thank goodness for long hair.

I think that moment was the catalyst of my decadence, and looked at by itself could explain the entire path to my destruction. I was a teacher. Thus, my naïve and idealistic purpose in life was to save humans from their own destruction. I thought I was strong at the time, that nothing could deter me from my path in life, from my success and my goals. I was wrong. Inside of me were unseen weaknesses, like a path in the woods you run down, without realizing its covered in thistles.

I was confident and sure of my skills, well liked by students and faculty, praised by administration, but hated by myself. I didn’t see that I hated myself at the time, but looking back, I know I did. I hated myself to the point that I allowed myself to fall into dangerous patterns for the sake of one man who (I believed) loved me. And that was worth everything to me, even if it meant I lost everything.

After that first drinking-fest, things went rapidly downhill and I lost control. I could tell you about the abuse, the verbal put downs, or the physical kicks to the head. I could explain how he manipulated me into saying sorry when he spilled the soda, or stole my money. I could describe the ups and downs, the “I love you” followed by the “I hate you.” I could cry about how I couldn’t live my own life for months because I was too involved with his despair. But details would make the truth seem less immaculate, and, as I said before, the consequential events merit no detailed explanation. In essence, I did the things I did not want to do, and I paid the price. But I survived.

***

It probably sounds like my life fell apart, but believe me, it didn’t seem like it from the outside. I went to school everyday, prepared, organized, and ready to teach. And teach I did. I was able to pull off the day impeccably; no one would have known that my nights were filled with anguish. How I did this makes sense when I tell you that it was a pattern I set in middle school. That’s when my dad died of cancer. That is when I learned to hide pain because no one wanted to see it, and to be successful because people needed me. People needed me, and that was my driving force. My mom needed me, and my students needed me, and now he needed me. My own needs went unmet.

I knew what was going on, don’t think I was in denial and therefore have some sort of excuse. I knew that I was letting myself go, but I didn’t know how to stop it. All I knew was that he needed me, and I would sacrifice everything to give myself to him. I wish I could have helped him without such sacrifice, but all I can say is that I felt the need to be at his level. If I was too “good” or too “successful” he wouldn’t believe I could relate to him or care for him because, in his eyes, I would be too full of myself to understand that there are people in this world who weren’t as “well off” as I was. (I don’t think he really understood that I had fought for my success and for my sanity).

So yes, I knew what was happening, but thought I would never stop the maniacal ride. I honestly believed that there would be no end, that I would have no courage to stop myself from this façade. At least, not until pretense fell one day to reveal that this was indeed infecting me.

The moment came as I was crossing the street. This act was my daily transition between my personal life and my professional one. My short walk consisted of less than a block, and, as soon as I saw barely clad students running toward a brick building, I knew my day was about to begin. I would pause and stare down traffic until the vehicles would wait for me. As soon as my feet stepped off the curb, I forced myself to stop the churning worries and aches, and turned my head to the next curb in front of me: the thoughts of students, lesson plans, and handouts. That crosswalk was my neutral zone; the place where nothing could touch me. It was the place where one day I paused and looked up and saw an SUV baring down. In a split second, I thought of how beautiful it would be to be hit, to die, to let go of all responsibility. No one to depend on me, to look up to me, to look down on me, to consume me. But I kept going.

I’m no hero. I didn’t do it because I am noble or brave or because I wanted to live. I kept going because (besides the fact that the SUV probably would have stopped) I felt that I had no other choice. This moment lasted in my head for only that split second, but it began to tear down the whirling mechanisms that kept my momentum to live as myself during the day and as a victim by night. Slowly, it brought me to the surface of reality, and I was forced to look at my life…at what was really going on. And the sight wasn’t pretty.

***

I came home that night to a normal scene. A guy on my couch playing video games. Dinner was made, thus his guilt was atoned for. We ate, we talked, we laughed, and we probably went out drinking. I probably woke up with a hangover and went to work feeling groggy and guilty; small deeds would not make up for my guilt. I’m not being specific because, honestly, I don’t remember that particular night. One day spilled into the other by filling up with happiness, and spilling it out…catching up the remains, and spilling them out—little by little there’s nothing left. What matters is that I had thought about suicide. I had thought about suicide. Whether or not I could have gone through with it is of no import. Me, the teacher, the mentor, the saint. I had wanted to die, and that terrified me.

Ever so slowly, I begged God to save me. I spent evenings sobbing to the point of gagging. I spent nights of quiet tears, blood for what it felt like, hugging my pillow like a tiny freckled girl with her teddy bear. I woke with puffy eyes, and a whisper of hope. Hope that things would change, hope that someone would save me.

Hope turned into reality; one day, he decided a cocaine-enhanced life would be better than me. So, I bought him a ticket and he left. He moved out of my life forever. But I didn’t rejoice. I was heartbroken because I missed him. Missed the torment, the pain I was used to. People think that’s crazy if they’ve never experienced it. But people who grow up on pain crave pain, like children who grow up with hugs need them, or babies that grow up with milk always want more. It’s what feeds you, what molds you, what you depend on because it’s always there.

And, in my anguish, I had to make a decision: to feed my pain with more, to accept misery as my fate, or to believe that there was more to me. This was the colossal street that I had to cross, or give up and die. The curb loomed in front of me, antagonizing me, saying, “You can’t change now! It’s always been this way, and it always will. Give up now, and accept who you are. Accept what you deserve.” And I did.

But this time, I chose differently. I chose, like so few do, to take hold of my life, to take control of my life, to take care of myself, and become the woman I was destined to be, rather than the one I had portrayed myself to be.

And this is the moment I’ve lost your attention. The moment you’ve rolled your eyes and thought, “Great, here’s some more Carpe Diem crap. Give me something I can touch.” You think I don’t know your situation. You think I don’t know that you feel like you’re trapped into a formulated phrase. Like your life has been determined and this is who you are and this is who you must be meant to be. You think I don’t hear that voice inside saying, “There’s got to be more.” That I don’t know you sometimes want a new life, a new journey, a new body, a new soul, but are too afraid to move. Too satisfied to dare.

We are alive for a breath; a breath that can give life or take it away. We matter, but only for a moment. We may live thinking we’re immortal humans, but we are not. We die as immortal souls. And it’s what we do to and with our soul that counts.

I think people like to deny eternity because it's a great defense. If what we do doesn't really matter, we're free to waste away and live as we please, good or bad. But what if it does matter? What if, in the end, we will be forced to account for all of our choices? All I really know is that, at that moment, I would want to look back, smile, and say, "Thank you. Thank you for life, for hope for third tries, and for smacking me in the face with reality."

At every age, we stand in the middle of a road. We have the opportunity to pause between past and future, between who we are and who we want to be, between our current reality and our ideals. And all we really need is hope that there is more, the courage to move forward, and (from time to time) a vision of death. The frightening part isn’t really moving forward, is it? It’s the horror of pausing too long in the crosswalk.

It started off slowly, to be sure. At first, he was the one calling me; he was the one stopping over to see me. I felt wonderful and valued. I didn’t really have to think much about whether or not he liked me because it seemed obvious. Why else would he see me so much, flirt with me, and say such sweet things? It didn’t seem to bother me at the time that no commitment was stated or even mentioned. To me, I was getting attention and that was worth quite a bit.

However, a few months passed and suddenly I was starting to get nervous. He wasn’t coming around as much, wasn’t calling as often, and the sweet words were fewer and farther between. I started to wonder why, thinking maybe it was about me. Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough, or wasn’t flirting enough. I started feeling pathetic because I was talking about it all the time and trying to figure out what was going on.

In my search for truth, a friend of mine said he had some sage advice. He said my situation sounded similar to his. Maybe it sounds familiar to you as well:

I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I kind of enjoyed the ride. I knew I had power over her, knew I could control her, and enjoyed it. If I needed attention that day, I would go over by her and turn on my charm. Sometimes just a smile would do the trick. Especially when she was angry…all I had to do was look at her like I was concerned, and she would melt. She’d say (giggling), “Stop being cute! I can’t be mad at you anymore.” I did have moments where I felt horrible. Like I said, I knew what I was doing. It’s just that she made it so easy for me. She said how much she liked me, and didn’t even care that I didn’t say it back. I loved the way she acted towards me. It made me feel so good about myself. Eventually what I was doing really did hit me; I saw how selfish I was. I guess I cared about her enough to stop hurting her, so I told her we had to end it. It was the best thing for her, but I wish she wouldn’t have wasted two years of her life on a guy that would never have married her.

To tell you the truth, I started bawling when he told me this story. I realized this story was very similar to what had happened to me. He even went on to say that this lady was kind of like a doll to him. When he wanted to play, he would take her out of the box, play with her a while, and then put her back when he was bored or tired. He said he didn’t want anyone else to have her so, if another guy got too close, he would act protective and suave and she would stop herself and come back to him.

I can’t say how horrid I felt when I realized I had been duped the same way. It happened little by little, so I didn’t even notice it. However, looking back, I realize that I ended up initiating all the conversations about where our relationship was and where it was going, I was the one admitting I was falling in love, I was the one pouring out the compliments, and I was the one going out of my way to make him happy. He was the one coming over only when it was convenient, he was the one teasing me and putting himself above me, he was the one avoiding all “uncomfortable” conversations about what was going on between us, and he was the one not answering my phone calls if he didn’t feel like it. Sadly, I was the one who was willing to stay up until the wee hours of the morning, not getting enough sleep before I had to get up for work, and he would leave after thirty minutes with me, if anything “more important” came along.

I wish I could say it wasn’t so, but it took me until I heard the words, “I was leading you on” (more than once) to realize that I indeed had become a slave to the obsession of a relationship. I say obsession because it was never really a relationship, but my idea of what I wish had been one.

And so, I finally had to face the truth—that he owned me. Owned my heart, my actions, my motivations. My life was spent waiting for a call or a smile or, if I was lucky enough, a chance to be around him.

So often we, as women, find ourselves as puppets to a marionette who decides when to move us and when to put us away in a heap of tangled limbs and strings. We place ourselves in his hands, giving him permission to rule our lives only when we feel worthless enough to do so.

Thank God, literally, those things don’t a have to stay that way. We DO have the power to pick ourselves up, cut the strings, and walk away, even if stiffly at first, to place our tangled selves in the hands of our Creator, who can make even the most broken thing be whole once again.

Women Don't Woo--Chapter 1 (Part 1)

Chapter 1: He Owns You

It is 1:18 in the morning, and I’m sleepless in bed, still agonizing, “Why didn’t he come over?”

I called his cell phone after church this morning. He didn’t answer (“Thank you, God!”) so I put on my cheerful voice and said, “Hey, just called to let you know I got the sermon on CD for you from church! I can’t wait for you to hear the sermon; it was so great! I hope work is going well, and maybe you can give me a call when you have some time?!” Pathetic. What I REALLY wanted to say was, “Hey, thanks for hanging up on me the other night and then leaving suddenly last night. What the heck is your problem?” However, his previous behavior has told me that being direct and angry does no good. All I can do is be sweet and try to lure him over so I can somehow weave my true feelings into the middle of a base discussion. So, on with the story…

He called me back an hour later. AHA! My plan worked thus far. He sounds happy. He asks me about church, and asks where I am. “At the mall,” I say, and he asks, “With who?” Passing by the nagging instinct to say, “Raoul, the hot guy I met last night after you hung up on me,” I say, “I’m by myself,” which is the truth, after all. So, we talk awhile, but he says nothing about coming over to get the CD (which, by the way, I bought just so I could con him into stopping by that night). Not wanting to sound needy, I decide not to suggest it and hope he surprises me after he gets off of work. So, can you guess where that leaves me tonight? Yep, you got it: hanging around the house, trying to make myself busy, while I day dream about the possible visit.

Hours go by and the phone remains silent. 9, 10, 11pm rolls around and I finally come to terms with the fact that my day dream will remain a fantasy. I try to fall asleep, but all I can do is think, “Did I say something wrong on the phone? Maybe I shouldn’t have made that flirty comment…maybe I should’ve acted more standoff-ish, …maybe I should’ve called him and brought the CD over to his house.”

I wonder how many of you are shaking your heads in pity and how many of you feel your stomach sinking in memories of similar instances. The truth is, I shouldn’t have been waiting around at all. Looking back on it, it seems quite pathetic, me spending hours waiting in my apartment, wasting time because I was too full of nervousness and anticipation to do anything of value, hoping he’d call me or come over. Who does that? The sad answer is that the women who do that are the ones who feel not-so-valuable. I gave more value to a chance to see or talk to him above my time, which is precious.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to do something else with my time…call a girlfriend, read a book, help someone, or get out my Bible.I know the latter suggestion sounds like something you’d read in a cheesy “What to Do When You’re Down” book, but really, what could have been better? I have now discovered that, deep down, this longing for a man to make me feel loved and accepted is truly a need to realize that I already am loved and accepted by the creator of the universe, and the creator of me. God loves me even though I don’t deserve it, failing every day. Now THAT should be the foundation of a relationship with someone who I can love and depend on every day. Instead of looking for acceptance from a man, it’s essential to grow a relationship with my fierce and passionate savior.

Maybe it’s strange to hear of God described as such. We usually hear God being described as things such as a gentleman. This is hard for me to swallow. I mean, I understand the point that God doesn’t force us to do anything that we don’t want to, but the connotation of God being a gentleman makes him seem like a wimp, which he definitely is not. In Psalm 18, David cries to God for help, and God does much more than just say, “At your service, me lad!” Instead, God “shot his arrows and scattered [the enemies] great bolts of lightning and routed them. The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils.” I don’t know about you, but when I picture a gentleman, I see a guy in a sharp looking suit pulling out my chair, not nostril breath upsetting the foundations of the earth.

So, how about seeing God as a lover who will “never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5)? I still struggle at times to see God in this way, but reading His Word, especially the Psalms, repeatedly demonstrate his faithfulness, his passion, his strength, and even his jealousy to have me to himself. So, if he is to be my number one love, how furious must he be when he sees me spending an evening wallowing in my own misery because I didn’t get a phone call! Instead of rejoicing in this opportunity to live, I sit here alone thinking of what I can do to keep myself busy enough to not notice the phone is silent.

In all honesty, this frightens me. How is it that I got to this point?

Women Don't Woo (Introduction To Multi-Parts)

INTRODUCTION: It DID Happen to You

It starts out seemingly innocent. He forgot his wallet, so you decide to foot the bill. He didn’t return your phone call, so you decide to call him again. His car broke down at the last minute, so you give him your keys “just this once.” You’re friends are starting to miss you at the usual hangout because you’re not around as much anymore.

However, a few months pass and you find yourself broke because you’re always paying, you’re sick to your stomach because you haven’t heard from him today, and your friends aren’t speaking to you anymore because you haven’t picked up the phone “just in case he’s trying to get through.” You’re wondering if you’re crazy because you’ve started to do “drive-bys.” You know what I mean: you have to go to the grocery store, so you just happen to take the route that goes past his house (and makes your trip five miles longer). However, since he has had your car for the last week, you have to walk, which ends up being better…now, car-less in the night, you find it easier to stealthily walk around the house and peek in the windows at will.

Perhaps these examples are extreme to you, or perhaps you’ve experienced something like this or even worse. Regardless of the level of your actions, I am sure I can relate, as can many women in our society today. A trend is sweeping the nation: men are sitting back because women have stepped up to woo and win their man, only to be disappointed (and often hurt) in the end.

Maybe “woo” is too much of an old-fashioned word for you, or maybe in today’s society it is completely appropriate and almost expected of a woman to “chase” after her man. Regardless, most women are not all that proud to step up and say, “YES! I woo men!” I would venture to say that women like to think of themselves as treasure to be cherished, and most of us know that, even when we do woo and win a guy, it doesn’t leave us feeling so valuable in the end.

God set up very clear expectations and guidelines of the right position of a man and a woman in a relationship, but due to our inherent and sinful natures, we have put God’s advice on the back-burner to get our way, right away. Little did the women’s movement know that we have killed the very nature of a man by taking his job of “the chase.” Women, we need to re-claim the throne of patience and realize that the man God has for us is worth the wait.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Chapter 1 (Part 2)

In my search for truth, a friend of mine said he had some sage advice. He said my situation sounded similar to his. Maybe it sounds familiar to you as well: