Women Don't Woo: Chapter 6

What a Wonderful Woman you Are

What do you think when you look in the mirror? Truth be told, tonight I looked in the mirror (with my most flattering outfit on) and felt sick. There I was in a form fitting, yet not-too-tight black dress shirt…I thought the black was nice because it is supposed to be slimming. The shirt is short-sleeved, but not too short that it shows too much of my flabby arms. The jean skirt I had on is very flattering for my figure, showing the hips, but not enlarging them, and slinking in at the knees, but then flaring out a bit at the end. Complimented with some silver jewelry and some chunky black shoes, I could’ve hit the town. However, I stood there, staring at my reflection, and moving ever so slowly to look at my profile. It was huge to me…I seriously started to see the mirror fill in the longer I stared. I think it actually was the affect of the tears in my eyes bulging out my body. Either way, I felt horrible. It makes me sick how satan interrupted my life of content in God to trade in joy for self-centered self-hatred. I wish I could go back and tell myself how beautiful I am, but I can’t. I can, however, move forward, and so can you.

The Bible says in 1 Samuel 16:7, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” If I ask you to pause reading and tell yourself five things about your heart (your true self) that you like, would you be able to come up with any? If I told you to pause reading to tell yourself 5 things about your body that you hate, how much quicker could you answer the question?

Again, God is not interested in the same thing as man—in the outward appearance, but rather his concern is with our hearts. Society is very concerned with appearance. Everywhere we look there are ads, articles, commercials and programs concerned with helping us to look better, have more muscle tone, no wrinkles, no fat and no gray hairs. It is easy to get wrapped up in it, to spend enormous amounts of money and time to be attractive to the opposite sex. Exercise regimes, weight loss programs, Botox, liposuction, surgeries—we’ll do it all if it means we look hot.

How cunning of satan to warp our minds into believing our worth lies in our skin (albeit smooth, young, and wrinkle free!). What a deception he has woven into the very fabric of our being.

You can be the most attractive person in the world, but where does that leave you at the end of the day, or more frightening, at the end of your life?

God is more concerned with your heart, so what have you done to make that more attractive? As for me, it was neglected and even darkened as I sank deeper and deeper into the never ending struggle to better my beauty. My heart has been damaged by all the lies I have spoken over myself, calling myself ugly and fat and eventually tying what I saw on the outside do what must be on the inside. Somehow, not being the gorgeous woman I have wanted to be on the outside has led me to believe I am overall…worthless.

This simply is not the truth, as is clearly outlined in Psalm 139. I know some people have never had the pleasure to read Psalm 139, but if you’re like me, you’ve read it and thought, “Yeah right. Big deal.” How horrid. Psalm 139 speaks of God’s perfect creation of US! I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” I am wonderfully made. I wish I could keep that meditation in my head more often than I do. I so easily can slip into negativity by just watching a gum commercial where the tiny, sleek body steps out of the refrigerator and the men come running. I suddenly find myself looking down and hating not just my body, but myself.

Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of darkness. When satan is whispering in your ear, “You look disgusting! No wonder you don’t get attention from men!” God is saying something entirely different. I would venture to say he is saying something like, “Look at ME and not at YOU!”

I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I deserve a man who is going to agree with me wholeheartedly. Say it aloud, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Go so far as to memorize Psalm 139 so that, in those times when the deceiver is making it okay for you to sob into your potato chips, you can put them down, stand proud and scream, “NO! I AM a wonderful creature with a purpose and nothing is going to stop me from what God has for me!”

Is it so scary for me to say it aloud? “I am beautiful.” Sometimes, right before I leave for work, my reflection stops me. In this brief moment, I see someone I love. She is so lovely, the way her face is soft, yet her eyes are striking. The way the large waves of her hair fall loosely over her shoulders. Every curve of her body seems perfect. I stare into my own eyes and am stunned. How can this be me? Somewhere imbedded in my flesh and fiber is a refusal to let his feeling consume me. Every magazine cover and cruel thing whispered clings to me saying it is not possible. I am not skinny enough, my face isn’t clear enough, I am too short, and so on. Usually, by this time in the thought process, I begin to cry and have to look away.

The thought, though, is still there—can I just be brave enough to think I am beautiful? And isn’t this, after all, really a decision about worth? Am I worthy enough to be called lovely? Why am I allowing the opinions of others to determine my beauty, my value? I want to wade through years of lies and self banter about why I will never measure up and truly believe and live as if I am lovely—that this face, this body, displayed right in front of me is attractive, is worth looking at because, after all, it houses a soul that is mine, alone, and…well, I love it.